Male/Female Relationships Q&A
Read below the top five questions asked regarding male-female relationships and how our panel answered them!
Q: Are we (as young Christians) allowed to date? Why or why not?
A: We don’t endorse dating as it is currently practiced in our culture. Of course we defer to pastors and parents in specific cases, but we believe that biblically, the only permissible romantic involvement between a male and female is courtship/betrothal and marriage. A romantic relationship that is not a courtship serves very little purpose other than amusing the two participants, and often inciting them to sin. Any spiritual edification supposedly obtained is equally available in a healthy friendship.
Q: What is the difference between dating and courtship?
A: Typical “dating” involves loaning out the part of one’s heart that will ultimately belong only to one’s spouse for a short-term commitment. The two individuals decide the terms of the relationship with little or no accountability. Courtship is begun with the goal of marriage in mind, and the approval and supervision of the couple’s pastor(s) and parents. Not all courtships end in marriage, but the damage of a breakup is typically far less.
Q: What age is appropriate for beginning a serious relationship?
A: It is difficult to assign a specific age, chronologically speaking, when a person is ready to enter into a courtship. Consider instead these reasonable guidelines:
* Financial independence and responsibility: Particularly males should be living independently and making enough money to support a household. Both parties should have proven their ability to handle money wisely.
* Spiritual maturity: This should be evidenced by the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) as well as the testimony of parents and church leadership. Certainly basics like a consistent prayer life, knowledge of the Bible and leading peers to the Lord should be assumed.
* Approval of Pastor(s) and Parents: Since a pastor will perform the wedding ceremony and be accountable to God for the strength of that marriage, he should give his blessing before a courtship proceeds. Parents are the God-given covering and protection for their children and are joined to another family through marriage, and thus should also be consulted and honored.
* A Fear of the Lord: People who are ready for courtship enter into it with a healthy fear of the Lord, because they understand the gravity of marriage. The divorce rate for Christians is shamefully high, and we must begin to enter into marriage much more cautiously, and with greater preparation.
Q: How far is too far (physically) before marriage?
A: We strongly discourage any open mouth kissing, and certainly any touching beyond a gentle hug. Before marriage, men and women are still brothers and sisters and must reserve marital affection for the marriage bed. Furthermore, kissing and petting only prepare the body for an act that cannot be completed: don’t start what you can’t finish.
Q: Why is it important to save sex for marriage?
A: Biblically, we know that sex outside of marriage (fornication) is a sin, and the Bible repeatedly condemns such behavior and promises that all sexually immoral people will go to hell (Revelation 21:8, 22:15 ). On a purely practical level, sex outside of marriage leads to unwed pregnancy, emotional damage, and sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms, preached as the salvation of the fornicator in many venues, are not as reliable as we once thought. According to the Centers for Disease Control, (CDC), condoms, when used 100% of the time, have about a 30% failure rate for HIV, 50% failure rate for syphilis and gonorrhea, and are not effective at all in preventing HPV, which causes 90% of cervical cancers. Add that to the fact that over 65 million Americans carry an incurable STD, and you are much safer playing it God’s way.
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